I have had such a busy yet boring week that I couldn't have possible talked about it here. Nothing good just cleaning out rooms at home that really needed to be cleaned out. All done now and I'm thrilled.
Life seems to be slow at the moment but I won't complain. Sometimes slow can be good.
I'm really looking forward to the girls getting their easter holidays. I'm still toying with the idea of going away for a week but nothing confirmed yet.
No plans even for this weekend.
If things pick up, I'll be back to chat.

Isn't it really strange how people can have an opinion on things they know nothing about yet believe they are right. I try not to have an opinion on things, and when I do I try to express my opinion only do so about things I have experience of.
I mean how can I comment on things I have not experienced, to do so is just idle gossip, and I may be many things, but an idol gossip I will never be. But unfortunately I know many idol gossops who take newspaper stories and put their own spin on them. Life isn't like that. Shit happens and thats it.

Well after all my slagging off the parade was very good. Now we didn't have that many floats and mostly marching bands but we did have 2 or 3 more floats than last year. I did say to Paul that maybe next year we should consider putting in our own float for our Vietnamese/Irish group. No idea how to go about it or how hard it would be but I will look into it. There is a good sized group of parents now in Waterford who have adopted from Vietnam and we meet once or twice a month, so I am sure between us we could come up with something for the parade next year.
We did plan on having lunch after the parade but everywhere whas packed out. We went into one pub where we have taken the girls before and its roomy enough. It was full of kids. Met loads of people I knew and had a great day.
I did meet someone who told me a bit of very bad news, can't really go into it here but it was something he told me that explained the erratic behaviour of an old friend of mine, it broke my heart to hear this and I only wish there was something I could do , but I can't. I know that might sound very cloak and dagger and I would love nothing more than off load it here, but well people would recognise who I was talking about.
Anyway, it was a great day the girls had a ball. I think I drank one more than my limit because we got chips on the way home and Ella told me the next day I was wobbling as I walked home. I told her I was wearing very high shoes. Jeez, best not make a habit of it .
My mam never drank when we were kids, nor does she now. We were never even inside a pub when we were little but sorry to say my dad was/is an alcoholic so he more than made up for it when he would come home drunk each night.
He's an old man now and I know I should forgive him, but I can't and I honestly know I never will. At least he knows it too. I don't pretend to him. I have never actually confronted him over it but he knows.

My sister is back from Barcelona tomorrow and I must say I have missed her. We are very close and when she is out of the country I think I pine a little for her. I like to know she is near. When we went to adopt Mia we spent 5 weeks in Vietnam and I missed her so much. I phoned her a lot and actually phoned her the day we got Mia, but it was such an emotional day I can't even recall the conversation. It was months after we got home that she mentioned I had called her and I was so surprised.
We got caught up in a lot of shite when we went for Mia. It honestly broke my heart what went on.
We had gone through everything here no bother, got sent the photo of our little girl and then 3 days before we flew out to get her we were told there was problems and not to go. I hit the roof and the adoption board didn't want to know. So we did what anyone else would do and went anyway.
I honestly felt we had no choice but go. We were dealing with a facilitator who was appointed by the adoption board but we knew very little about her. Everything we did hear was bad.
I really wasn't looking forward to meeting her, but I had my little girls photo and I was not going to let anyone or anything stop me from bringing her home.
We spent 2 weeks in Hanoi with no contact from the facilitator. Other couples we met out there had been in touch with her and they were proceeding fine with their adoptions. She was ignoring us. I will never forget the day the other couples went to visit their children in the orphanages. I sat back in the hotel room and cried for hours. It was all going pear shaped for us and there was no one to help. The adoption board had washed their hands of us. They had issued us with a declaration and according to them, that was all they had to do, job done. No mention of the fact they had hired this facilitator and here we were now in Hanoi with her ignoring us.
I am not a very religious person but I had been praying to St Therese. I needed something to get me through this. My mother in law was with us and she was also praying that something would go right for us.
I remember sitting with Helen ( MIL) at the pool one day and I told her I had just called St Therese a lot of bad names, I was so angry with everyone and so terrified of what was going to happen. Helen told me St Therese would listen and help if she could. Well, it seems if you do pray to her she will send you a rose. That evening we went to dinner in the hotel and on every table was a single red rose. I felt so comforted. That night when we went back to our room one of the hotel staff knocked with fresh flowers, we usually had carnations, this night it was roses.
Myself and Paul went back to the bar at around 10.30 pm because we were both so upset and on edge. An hour later we went back to our room and reception had left a note from the facilitator under our door. I still have the note. It says Dear Mr & Mrs Kennedy : You will be picked up in the morning to go to the orphanage at 7.30 am.
I raced up to Helens room and told her the good news. I hugged her and fil and danced and sang and drank tiger beer.
I ran back to our room with 4 bottles of beer to celebrate.
Ella was only 3 and fast asleep, I whispered in her ear " tomorrow you will meet your new sister "
I woke the next morning at 5.30 am and headed off for breakfast. Paul stayed in the room with Ella. I was smiling and laughing and floating on air. I was going to meet my little girl. I told anyone who would listen.
Soon some of the other Irish couples started to filter in and I ran to each of them telling them the great news.
Then I saw my father in law walking in and I ran and gave him a big hug. He told me I had to go back to the room as Paul had received a phone call and we had to leave earlier. He had tears in his eyes and I thought how happy he must have been.
When I walked into our room Paul just looked at me and I knew it was going to be bad.
He just held me and said " she's gone, Mia is gone, we are not getting her "
I wanted to thrash the room, I honestly did. I saw Ella asleep in the bed and knew I had to keep it together for her sake, so Paul just held me as I screamed and cried into his shoulder . I had to stamp my feet in rage just to get rid of the angry feeling. I thought I would go through the floor and I hope whoever was staying underneath us were heavy sleepers because my feet were hurting from stomping .
I have never ever felt such pain and anger. Anger at the adoption board for putting us in this position and also at the facilitator because I knew she was a chancer who didn't give a toss about any of us of the children and their birth parents she was supposed to be helping.
In the middle of me having some sort of breakdown and Paul trying to comfort me, the phone rang again and it was an assistant to the facilitator. She said she would pick us up in an hour, she had another baby for us. Just like that. Like we had bid on a car and lost it but never mind, here was another one.
I don't know how I felt, I honestly don't. I was looking at the roses and praying. I ran to the toilet and vomited. I was shaking.
We managed to get Ella dressed and fed and met the mini bus. All the other couples were going to get their babies as well. They had heard what had happened to us and I felt so small as they stared at me in pity. They tried to say the right thing, some of them couldn't even say anything. It was horrible.
When we stepped into the mini bus I was handed an envelope. I couldn't open it. Paul offered to but I just wanted to hold it for a while. We moved away from the hotel and I stared out the window. Hanoi was alive. People from all walks of life were going about their business. Some looked and waved at this bunch of tourists passing in a mini bus, little knowing what emotions were going on inside.
I bent my head down to Ella and kissed her on the cheek. She gave me a huge smile. I opened the envelope, took out the little photo and showed her. " This is your new sister Mia "
She looked and smiled again. I somehow took all the sadness of losing our first Mia and hid it deep. I looked at the photo of the raggy little baby and in my mind told her I was her mum and I was was on my way, I would be with her soon.

I am almost afraid to say it out loud or even type it, but I think we are over the coughing. Thanks be to god and everyone else. She had an ok night on Saturday and as much as I wanted her too she didn't wet the bed. Ha ha, oh it was so mean of me to wish that on poor Paul. I feel all guilty now as he has been great in other ways. He cooked a gorgeous roast dinner on Sunday, actually he cooks every Sunday and his roasties are to die for.
Sunday night was even better, she woke once and so far tonight she is fast asleep and not a whisper of a cough or a sniffle. It was a nasty old dose the poor pet got and I never want to see it again.
They both had a day off school today and I took them to Smyths to spend the money their nanny gave them last weekend. I love seeing their little faces in the toy shop because they only ever get stuff at christmas or birthdays. Their nanny spoils them but they usually save any money she gives and then they spend it on holidays but today they really wanted something new.
Ella got a ds game after I added €20 to her €20 and Mia picked out a Dora bag on wheels.
She has wanted one of those for ages and I kept forgetting about it. Even at Christmas when I was trying to think of surprises for her I forgot about her passion for a bag on wheels.
She was going around Smyths today picking up everything and asking if she had enough. Then in the distance I saw she had spotted this bag. You should have seen her run up the aisle to grab the bag, never mind there was about 10 of them on display her little legs couldn't get her up fast enough.
She ran back to me then holding it close and asking if she had enough. If the bag had been €500 I would have bought it for her. The delight in her eyes when I told her she had enough money.
It didn't leave her hands all day. Its up in bed with her now, not the most comfortable thing to sleep with but I know if I move it there is a chance I will wake her so I am leaving well enough alone.
Ella got a sims game for her ds. She isn't really into dolls or toys as such. She just loves her ds. I have to limit her time on it though or she would play it forever.
Ella lost a tooth last night and stupid me forgot about the tooth fairy. She never believed in the tooth fairy, always told me it was just a story. Then last year she lost 2 teeth together and someone in school mentioned she would get double payment from the tooth fairy so home she comes all innocent and saying she couldn't wait for the tooth fairy and that was the start of it.
It went right out of my mind last night and she came running into me this morning saying the tooth fairy didn't arrive. I hope she didn't notice the colour draining from my face as I realised I had forgotten. I told her I reckoned they didn't work on Sundays and she should arrive tonight. Jesus if I forget tonight I may as well leave home.

My sister just sent me a text from Barcelona. Herself and her hubby arrived there today for a 5 day break. Oh I am so jealous. She said so far its excellent and they were just after finishing a slap up meal and were off out for a few drinks. Her kids are all grown up, youngest almost 18 so they get to go away for a lot of breaks. This one only cost them €350 including all inclusive in a 4 * hotel. They get some great bargains.
Ah I can't complain. We manage a week away every year and the girls are so good when we are away , they love to travel and fit in with any plans we make. I couldn't believe them last year when we went to Vietnam. It took 3 flights one straight after the other and there wasn't a tear or a whinge from either.
The only scare we had was with Ella. We went to this huge shopping complex in Hanoi and were on the top floor in the lift. On the next floor some people got out and Ella stepped out with them and we continued on to the ground floor. I swear it was one of the worst moments in my life. I could hear her screaming for me when she realised we weren't behind her. Of course I couldn't stop the lift and when we got to the ground we had to go all the way back up and the feckin lift stopped on every floor.
It seemed to take forever. She was in bits when we got to her. One of the shop assistants was kneeling beside her and speaking to her in Vietnamese. She looked very confused when Ella turned to us and started talking in perfect English.
Apart from that they really enjoyed the holiday. Its such a fantastic place though it would be hard not to enjoy it.

I have promised them both we will go and see the parade tomorrow. Oh the parade in Tramore is so naff, honestly it is. Its just a fire engine and an ambulance and then a lot of marching groups scouts etc.... they make the effort I suppose but I hate it more each year. Hopefully the weather will be like today. It will make it much more bearable if the sun is shining and I might even treat them to lunch in the pub and myself to a large glass of wine. You gotta love St Patricks day.

I was actually crying half an hour ago out of sheer frustration. Its passed and I'm grand again but I honestly couldn't take any more of Mia's coughing. It has actually made me realise how easy I usually have it with the girls. A normal night is they go to bed at 7.30 - 8.00 pm and I don't hear from them again until 7.30 am the next morning. I suppose I have been spoiled and this is like pay back, well I'm not liking it very much. I have just realised I have little or no patience.
I did mention to Paul a few weeks ago how I had this sort of urge or feeling that I would love another baby in the house. I was looking at photos of the girls when they were tiny and got such a longing. It all seemed to go so fast as well. Paul was in shock and said no way. Two kids was perfect. Didn't we all fit around the table when we ate out at restaurants, didn't we fit great in aeroplanes and apartments on holidays. We just about fitted in my little 2 door celica. No way, acording to Paul adopting another baby would change every single thing about our family for the worst . I wasn't convinced. Even though adoptions from Vietnam are going through a rough time at the moment. Its never been easy but they are trying to put a new adoption agreement in place right now so delays are going to happen. I kept telling myself I was mad to even consider at 41 adopting again, yet the thoughts of another daughter kept creeping into my mind.
Well, after the last 9 days of Mia coughing coughing coughing, eh, I've convinced myself 2 daughters is enough for any one.

I also realised when Mia was coughing that I do far more with the girls than Paul does. Take the crying episode a while ago. We had been into the skyfest with my sister and her husband. The girls had a ball, both were in awe at the fireworks but Mia was really quiet and up in my arms the entire time. They are not loud kids anyway. They tend to watch things in silence and take it all in. They are not the kind of kids who run around squeeling with excitement, they are actually very laid back and quiet for kids, I would even go as far as say they are very reserved.
Well, I knew Mia was tired. She hasn't been sleeping well . I was exhausted too but it was a lovely night and my sister is a huge joker so plenty of laughs were had.
I got Mia straight to bed when we got home , now she hadn't coughed all day yet as soon as her head hit the pillow, off she went, cough cough cough.
I went up a few times with water, propped her up, put vics on her chest. All the time Paul is watching the Liverpool match and sipping on his glass of wine. So I can feel the anger building up.
I think on the 6th trip up the stairs I just flipped with him.
I walked into the sitting room and he's laid out on the sofa having a grand old time. I am not kidding I really wanted to inflict pain on him.
I asked him did he not hear Mia crying and he just said No. I called him some sort of bastard and he told me I was crazy. Argh..... I hate moments like that, I really really do. I was so angry, I wanted to kill him yet I didn't want to be arguing. Its so bloody hard being a mum sometimes. You really do try to please everyone and get left behind yourself with no one looking after you.
I moved Mia into our bed and so far the coughing has stopped. I'm going to sleep in the spare bed so if she does wake Paul will have to deal with her, though knowing him even though she is right beside him he won't hear a thing.
I've only just night trained her so if she wants to do her mum a favour she'll piss all over him in the middle of the night.
Oh I know thats cruel but he brought it on himself....

I can not believe such a simple thing as a cough can create the havoc it has created in my house this week. Poor Mia is still not well. Her cold has gone but she is left with this very dry cough which nothing will shift and its really upsetting her. Of course its 100 times worse at night so keeping her and me awake.
I keep running in to her with glasses of water and spoons of honey and lemon, she'll sleep then for a while until the cough starts all over again.
We're both exhausted at this stage and I am afraid to say very grumpy... and I don't do grumpy but I do need my 8 hours a night sleep.
I took her to the spare room last night and we both slept on the sofa bed. Uncomfortable but it meant she was beside me and I didn't have to leave a warm bed all night.
I feel so sorry for her. She is such a good patient and keeps telling me she is sorry for calling me.
Of course Paul doesn't hear her at all.... though the once I did hound him up the stairs with a glass of water she roared for her mammy so that was the end of that.
Fingers crossed tonight will be better.

I never did win the euro millions so never got to book my flights to Vietnam. I did check them out, €2,200 for 2 adults and 2 children return from Dublin. I'm trying to convince Paul its a bargain and it is.
Last year for my 40th Paul took us to Vietnam for 2 weeks. It was the best present I could have ever wished for and it was worth turning 40 to get. However unknown to him I had already booked our family holiday to Menorca so we were just back from Hanoi and headed off again. It was brilliant but he did say I was not to make a habit of it. Yeah... Well I do have Menorca booked for July but I think I can forget about Vietnam until next year.
Actually I was talking about this a few days ago. Mentioned it to a girl I know how much I adore Vietnam and she asked was that the reason I adopted....
I mean sure, or course that was the reason I went through all that stress and heartache, just so I could visit every year. I am beginning to realise people either know very little about adoption or else have some very strange ideas about it or maybe even both.

I'm hearing a few coughs from upstairs have a feeling its going to be another all nighter. Best head up and try to get even an hours sleep. I really don't want to be grumpy again tomorrow.

I am very happy to see the end of this week in sight. Its been a miserable one in our house because we have all been sick. Well Paul escaped it but we're working on that..... ah joke I'm glad he didn't suffer like we did.
It took from Sunday until Wednesday before I stopped vomiting. Of course Ella & Mia got some crazy high temp thingy on Tuesday and Wednesday but I thanked god they didn't get the vomiting bug too. I just couldn't have dealt with that to be honest. Plus there is the small matter that at 7 years of age Ella has never actually vomited and I think it would freak her out. Thinking about it now, neither has Mia and she is almost 4. Ok, thats enough of the V word. We're all grand now and back to good health.

I did manage to drag my self to the dentist on Wednesday morning and I'm happy to say my phobia of yesteryear did not rear its ugly head. I was calm as you like and got the mouth pulled and dragged off me and I didn't flinch.
I was afraid I would pass out as I hadn't eaten more than a few cream crackers in so many days and by the sounds of the dentists stomach, neither had he. I swear I have never heard so many rumbles in my life . The poor man must have been starved.
He did a great job on my tooth. He removed the old filling which was the most disgusting process ever. My mouth was full of black grit when I rinsed as was half my face.
Then he inserted 3 metal rods into my gum. This was amazing. He used a tiny hammer and was almost lying on top of me as he whacked the rods into my gum. If anyone has had this done and its not the norm for the dentist to lie on top of you, please don't let me know..... ignorance is bliss in some cases for me.
He then built up a new tooth around the metal rods. Its a lovely tooth and puts my other teeth to shame. I have booked in to get the older ones polished and then he will bleach them all for me.
It was a good experience overall. Except when I went in first and was joined in the waiting room by a centenarian. He was a small frail man and sat watching the tv. Of course it was some medical programme and they were showing a penis enlargement in great detail. I don't know which of us was more embarassed.
Also, just a tip but don't ever apply lipstick when half of your mouth is dead. You know how you apply it and then rub your lips together for even application, doesn't work when half your face won't move.

I have a great weekend to look forward too. My inlaws arrive tomorrow and they are a good laugh. I'm going to do a nice pork dish for them and have plenty of wine then that night. My mother in law is just back from the canaries so I can't wait to hear how that was. She's very funny and tells a great story.
They also get up early with the girls so I can catch up on lost sleep, god knows I need it after the bug my skin is so grey looking it needs lots of tlc.
I don't know if I will be around after tomorrow as I have a feeling I am going to win the euro millions. Ha ha, along with half the country.
I promise to log in from some exotic island and keep you up to speed with my spending if I do win. If not, well, see you all back here soon.